ic inbox [deerington]

[kidthesedays]

text | voice | video | extratemporal pneumatic tube

Comments

i know its tba but im using it anyway. text; early june

[thephix]

Dear Five,

My apologies for failing to reach out sooner. As I'm sure you can understand it's been a somewhat difficult time, and I was incapacitated for the past week.

[That's a polite way of saying she died.]

If you'd still care to meet, the upcoming week is fairly clear for me.

Kind regards,
Max Briest.

[kidthesedays]

Of course. As before, name the time and place. I have no appointments.

[For once, Five is the one with the least amount of context.]

text; un: price is right - i hope you're prepared. she's prob high af

[tagartist]

dude, five, do you know what's bullshit? emojis. like every last version of them, but especially when they were fucking emoticons and there are STILL losers out there like my best friend who seem to think they're cool and wanna type them all the time. how are you supposed to take a conversation seriously when it ends in ^_^ or 🤣 like what the fuck is the POINT?

i was reading about it in the library because sometimes it tells me shit about the future since i'm from 2013 and did you know that in 2015 THEY MADE AN EMOJI THE WORD OF THE FUCKING YEAR? 😂 was used so frequently that it was given this honor and it's NOT EVEN A GOD DAMN WORD. i feel like garbage just using these examples to make my point but i think it looses the atrocity of this if i just write out "tear emoji". the only fucking one that should ever get the honor of being something other than an emoji is 🖕 because that's a work of art, i'll give it that.

also did you know that people have ENTIRE ASS CONVERSATIONS using this shit? for some reason all the old guys i know here (and by old i mean like 35+ i guess) keep using me as their emoji translator. and i'm pissed as SHIT that i know so much about emojis that i can actually do this. i've adapted. i've become the thing i hate. this is horrible???? I MEAN COME ON they're even used to fucking FLIRT but i'm like 90% sure the first person who tries to send me 👅🌮💦 in a serious manner is getting blocked and then fed to a fucking sewer monster. i had to explain to someone what the 🍆 was and i'm still not over it.

... you know what that means right??? it's not just an eggplant. i'm sure you're aware.






it's a dick. in case you weren't aware.




anyway hey how's it going

bless her. bless all of this

[kidthesedays]

What?

cracks knucks. starts w voice 1/??????????? not even gonna number these tbh

[clussy]

Hey. Hi. What's up. Do you wanna hang out? I just realized it's like- uhh the Fourth of July. Do you have that where you come from? Anyway. I have a fuckton of fireworks and like...We can go blow them up. I usually just blow them up at the junkyard or wherever so. Yeah.

(Does he sound nervous? He is nervous. It is hard asking people to hang out.)

[clussy]

--Don't worry. I'm bringing a first aid kit just in case. For the record I would be able to reattach your fingers if there were any uh- accidents- -

[clussy]

Not that you seem the kinda dude who would accidentally blow your fingers off. Actually out of the two of us I'm pretty sure I would blow my fingers off--



Oh Christ, what if I blow my fingers off? Oh- (Sound of phone dropping. And then just some kind of pathetic dying rabbit noises for a few seconds.)

[clussy]

(The color of fear is Eddie Kaspbrak)

[clussy]

Okay- never mind. Sorry. I haven't taken my medication in like---

(Wait)

Do you take medication? No, you don't. You're like- (Gestures. Wait shit this is voice--)

Wait do you make sure to take your vitamins? I hope you do. I've never actually seen you take anything. Like. If you need recommendations I have a bunch. I hope you do because vitamins, my mama says, are a vital part of growing healthy and well, okay to be fair, they didn't do jack shit for me obviously so far since I still can't reach the majority of shelves in the world -which by the way have you ever thought about how fucked up that is? Like what are tall people even keeping from us? Don't they realize we can fuckin' knock their knees out with a scalpel if we wanted? I could anyway. I'm really good with a scalpel- like really good -

this isn't over. He's lyin

[clussy]

--Shit, sorry. This is Eddie by the way. Okay. Call me back if you want to hang out. I can bring uh-. I don't actually know what you drink, but I know you drink, and I can bring things. Because I know people. And I have resources. I'm resourceful.

Okay. Yeah. Anyway. Bye.

one hour later. text

[clussy]

listen theres an expiration on these fireworks and it is tonight buddy they getting blown up w or wout you here.

and smores will also be here. both my dogg AND the treat so you're gonna TRIPLE LOSE OUT if you dont show up. just saying

lil later but not by much

[clussy]

WOW I CANT BELIEVE A MONSTER IS SUDDENLY ATTACKING ME OH NOOOO IF ONLY I KNEW SOMEONE W AN AK47

[clussy]

guess i'll fucking die. cant believe it. at the raw age of 13. gnna die again

when you bury me make sure to put a giant middle finger on my grave stone okay? let the world know who i really was

[clussy]

wait you're not being attacked by a monster are you?






oh shit blink twice for yes and once for no if you are

[clussy]

right this is a text I cant fucking see you jesus christ put me down yourself when you see me again


but really are you okay?? i know oyu're like at least 3000x more capable than me but still. i can actually fight too

Re: cracks knucks. starts w voice 1/??????????? not even gonna number these tbh

[clussy]

no i cant fuckin fight



but my car can. did you know that if you run someone over a car there sa 90% chance it will stop them from doing anything else

ya p cool how science works

another hour passes.

[clussy]

HEY DICKWEED ARE YOU IGNORING ME

[clussy]

okay fine whatever idc

that means I DONT CARE by the way if you arent familiar with chatspeak which, i now am

[clussy]

O M G


wait do you know about emojis?? okay wait hold on i know you could be like ignoring me or dying right now but like hold up a second

[clussy]

👉😒👉

🐧🍸💥🍆🌼🔫 thats you in emoji
the last one is suposed to be a gun i guess

[clussy]

👌 👈

[clussy]

hope you know about gifs too like



thats me every time someone talks to me

do you get it

i say thats me because it is relatable

it makes it really funny
because you dont have to UT into words why it's relatable

people just know cause of the image

un: rogers

[pursuitofcappiness]

Hi Five,
Hope you saw that network post where Spider-Man said we should send Sodder some portraits. Do you mind if I include yours?

Attachment: george.png

un: will.graham (so begins the SPOOKY MYSTERY...)

[wontgraham]

[ Sent first is a photo, of Will's front door with the message on it. Will's front door should, at least, be immediately recognizable to Five; alongside the fact that that writing wasn't there before. ]

Five. i have a feeling you're not a morning person, but i'm sending this right now anyway.

i've talked to 3 other people who also had this on their doors. what about yours?

[kidthesedays]

[Can't be a morning person if you don't sleep at all, TAPS HEAD.]

I would assume everyone in Deerington received it, then. Any thoughts as to the meaning?

text; un: xXepicenter.of.deathXx; sometime mid-july

[inconsequence]

Do you or do you not have access to the F.E.A.R. building.

[Hey Five what's good. They need a place to keep a nun.]

[kidthesedays]

That depends on why you're asking.